First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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