A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
