I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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