party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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