its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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