I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
