I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
