I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
