Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
