All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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