I am puke
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
