I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Randomize
