Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
