Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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