just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
