I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
