It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize