I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
