Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
