I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize