last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
