I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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