Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
