I cockslap morals
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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