Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
