it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
