Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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