i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
