My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
