That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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