My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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