oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
