I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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