Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
When did angry sex become our thing?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
