Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
