Nicole vs. Life
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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