why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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