yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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