Don't make out with my wife yet
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
