On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize