If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
