She said her name was "party"
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
