So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
