Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
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