barbara walters just said penis...
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
