i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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