i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
