somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
