Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
