We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
