What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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