So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
