The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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