I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
my mouth tastes like poor choices
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
