fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
