my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
