I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
