I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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