You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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