It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
