So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
