The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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