Define "chronic" masturbator.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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