forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
