Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
