Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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