a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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