Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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