Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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