Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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