oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
