in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
