So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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