ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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