I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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