if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Nicole vs. Life
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
