Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
