he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Blood and glitter go together right?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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