I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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