i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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