So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
