You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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