Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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