you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
