I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
