I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
